Tag Archives: conservatives

Shocking News! Conservatives Target Santa! WTF??!!

25 Dec

After spending much of the holiday season working doggedly to deny health coverage to millions, conservatives fresh off that likely loss have moved onto a shocking new target.

Santa!

That’s right.  The jolly old elf who spends each Christmas Eve night bringing the world’s children some joy is the latest target of the political right.

“First, it’s healthcare and now it’s the holidays being taken over by liberal big government.” warns conservative leader A. Stankwell Jenkins III.  Jenkins goes on to explain “it’s not that we have anything against Christmas, after all it’s the birthday of one of my favorite people, the baby Jesus.  But, what I don’t like and others like me agree with is Santa’s incursion into our homes with the full support and aid of the US Government under direction of our foreign-born president.”

When probed for proof of a connection between Santa and the US Government, conservative leaders point to mainly two pieces of purported evidence.  “What I’d like to know is how this round fellow manages to break into homes across the country at basically the same time every year and yet is never caught.  You’ve got to have police involved in this cover up,” asserts Bud Rick Stallings Jr, Jenkins’ chief of staff at his public advocacy organization, Conservatives Against States Hegemony or CASH for short.

“Second, there’s the overt support of the US Military who tracks and aids Santa during his yearly deliveries” explains Stallings, who supplied this link as further proof:

http://www.noradsanta.org/en/index.html

(Note from Full Contact  – In fairness, it can’t be denied that from the link above it’s pretty clear the US Military is very aware of all of Santa’s movements)

Stallings goes on to further explain the concerns of CASH.  “What we don’t like is some stranger coming into our homes uninvited and uncontested.  Sure, he’s supposedly leaving gifts, but who’s to say what kind of information he’s collecting and all with the full support of the liberal US government.  I’m telling you it’s nothing short of a brilliant conspiracy to get government into our homes.  It’s not enough they’re in our healthcare, our wallets, now they want to be in homes and looking around.  That’s just plain scary to me.”

Conservatives like Stallings and Jenkins, are targeting Santa for more than just being in league with the US Government, however.  For most, there’s a basic philosophical problem with Santa.

Jenny Ray Evans-Moskowitz explains.  “For conservatives, America is not about hand outs or free rides.”  Ms. Evans-Moskowitz, is an aspiring conservative talk show host, who records show inherited much of her 5.6 million dollar net worth from the estate of her late father, Ray Gene St. Evans , who made a fortune in the sixties and seventies in the sweat shop and slum lord industries.

“What we object to” Evans-Moskowitz goes on “is children or for that matter anyone getting something for nothing.  And worse yet, it’s not something for nothing.  I’m paying for it.  You are paying for it.”

When asked how, Evans-Moskowitz replies “the military aids santa, the police aid santa.  Who do you think they get their money from? Why me and you of course.  And giving something to poor people is simply un-American and wrong”

Stallings chims in “Look, I have no problem with kids getting gifts.  But, it ought to be gifts their parents had the decency to buy for them.  These rugrats from do nothing parents too lazy to pursue the American dream shouldn’t be given gifts basically paid for by the US taxpayer.”

Some have questioned how conservatives, many of whom profess to have deep and typically Christian beliefs, could possibly come out against Santa.

The Reverend Pete Lane Walker Komisky is the chaplain for CASH.  He was eager to try to make us understand how a Jesus loving man of the cloth or for that matter any conservative could come out against Santa.  So much so, that the Reverend took time to video link to us as his private pilot flew his personal jet to a corporate retreat/Christmas Party in Barbados.  Records show that tax loopholes allowed the company in question to deduct the cost of the Christmas party from their annual tax obligation. 

Komisky would not address the tax situation related to the retreat he was set to attend.

On other matters, Komisky had this to say.  “Look, I know everyone thinks of Jesus as some kind of hippy, liberal guy.  But, I just don’t think the evidence supports that.  It’s a view that like everything else has been skewed by the liberal American media.” 

At this point, the Reverend took a break to pop open a bottle of Dom Perignon, took a sip and went on.  “The Jesus that I think is more accurate is Jesus in the temple kicking butt.  It’s frequently misinterpreted as Jesus being upset that people were conducting business in a place of worship.  It wasn’t that at all.  It seems quite clear to me that these men were competitors to Jesus’ business interests.  He did what any good business leader would do and worked quickly to up his market share. 

After all, there’s a reason GOD said go forth and be fruitful.  We’re supposed to do good works and profit from them.  THAT’S good for society.  If I get rich, the trickle down to the rest of society is tremendous.  Tell me, who really benefits if some poor kids get gifts for nothing?  They learn nothing and society certainly doesn’t benefit.  The rich get richer because they’re doing GOD’s will.  It’s that simple”

Jenkins sums up conservative opposition to and fear of Santa in the last thing he says to us “after all, there must be a reason Santa Claus wears red…”

Maybe they’re on to something….  Or maybe they’re misguided.  You be the judge.

Merry Christmas to all, conservatives and liberals and everyone in between!

And Speaking Of Stupid! Let’s Talk About The Democrats!

6 Nov

OK, so clearly I’m a bit cranky today. 

Stupid seems to be on my mind, having just pointed out Ohio Republican John Boehner’s ignorance, I feel compelled to highlight the shortcomings of his opponents in Congress.

Maybe the reason I’m cranky is that I spent some time earlier today reading reaction to this week’s election results.  Some pundits and a number of (stupid) Democrats have made the case that Democrats should run for the hills.

The theory goes that two Republican wins in Governor’s races in Virginia and New Jersey show that the public is unsure about President Obama’s agenda.  Of course, it shows nothing of the kind.

First off, why the focus on these two races.? Didn’t any of them read about the race for the Rep seat for New York’s 23rd District?  In can you didn’t, in that one, a super conservative forced out the Republican’s nominee only to be trounced by off all things the Democrat in the race.  And this was in a very conservative district!  So essentially in a lay up situation, the GOP clanged it off the rim.  So, why no stories about the end of conservatives?

Getting back to the governor’s races, it’s fair to ask if Obama can take any hint from the results.  There’s a saying that all politics are local and some pundits and Democrats are saying that people were voting on local issues  in VA and NJ and not on the President’s agenda. 

I know people in NJ.  Many.  And I can tell you that Corzine could have been a Republican or Independent and still lost.  NJ simply didn’t like John Corzine.  Whether bad timing or simply bad performance, Garden Staters simply didn’t see many accomplishments.  People in NJ voted against a sitting governor who could not lower the nation’s HIGHEST property taxes and who’s party has a fantastic track record of corruption.  Many of the people I know in NJ voted against Corzine and still support the President. 

As for Virginia, from everything I’ve read the Democrat there simply ran an awful race while his Republican opponent ran a smart race focused on the issues people care most about.  But, bottom line is that despite Democrat’s significant gains there, is it really a surprise when Virginia goes to the GOP??

So back to stupid Democrats…  I read earlier today that this week’s election losses suggested a change in tactics.  They felt they should perhaps not be so on board the Obama bandwagon. 

Nothing could be stupider.

Hear me now, Democrats.  The people voted you in for change.  And that’s what you need to deliver.  The answer is not backing down, but standing up for what you believe in and delivering on the promises you made to your constituents.

I belive John Warner made a very fair point that the climate change bill (as well-intentioned as it may be) might not be the very best use of Congresses’ time when people are struggling to keep their houses, jobs and lives.

So, if Democrats must change tactics, then follow that line of thinking.  Make changes, but make them about what matters most to Americans right now, pocketbook issues.  Work to create jobs and opportunities.

I believe healthcare reform is a big part of that.  It’s time  for Democrats to be bold, get it passed on move on to tackling other big issues that will affect the quality of all our lives.

Better to have an imperfect victory or two to bring to voters in 2010’s midterm elections than the same old same old.

Once In A While, Even A Jack Ass Can Be Useful! Thank You, Joe Wilson!

11 Sep

Rep. Joe Wilson speaks to reporters outside of his office on Capitol Hill in Washington, Thursday.

Despite his best intentions, South Carolina’s Rep. Joe Wilson is going to go down as a health care reform hero.  The American public is a lot of things.  We’re easily manipulated on health care reform or for that matter practically any new social programs. 

Ironically, once we have a social program in place like say social security, the American public will fight like hell to make sure it doesn’t get taken away.  So, yes, we do flip flop, especially when we  see the benefit that our admittedly imperfect government can make in our lives.

What the American public does not flip flop on is rudeness toward the president of the United States.  Sure, there are some who will see Joe Wilson as a hero for echoing what they feel, whether what he said was true or not.  And for the record it was NOT.

But, for the overwhelming amount of Americans, there’s a time and a place to heckle an American president.  During an address to Congress while you’re actually a member of Congress, is NOT one of those times.

Joe Wilson is learning that the hard way.  He also fumbled away the political football and with it very precious momentum. 

Coming into his speech last night, President Obama was the man under pressure.  There’s no putting a good face on the ugliness of August.  Clearly, the drive for health care, upon which Obama has placed so much of the future of his administration lost steam.

But, last night the game changed.  The president gave a convincing performance and got a big assistant from Joe Wilson on two fronts.  First, Wilson’s boorish behavior swung public sympathy toward the president.  We simply don’t want our leader treated that way.

Second, Wilson’s fellow conservatives (who should give him a severe beat down politically) were forced all day to answer questions about Joe Wilson.  That, of course, saps their momentum.  Every second conservatives in congress have to answer Joe Wilson questions is a second they can’t be spreading the fear and falsehoods upon which reform opposition is based.

Further, in the president’s speech and the administration’s comments since it was clearly signaled that the public option many people have been worried about is not a “must have”.

So let’s review…

Obama was calm.  Rational.  He adopted a John McCain idea.  He is also willing to go without a public option.  All while his party has majorities in both houses.  He even accepted Wilson’s apology gracefully saying we all make mistakes.  Finally, as if on cue, stats came out today that reported the number of people with out health insurance increased AGAIN this past year.  President Obama has clearly regained some momentum and is looking like the bigger (perhaps slightly) bi-partisan man. 

Joe Wilson lost his cool.  Joe Wilson spent the day apologizing as did his cronies. 

Joe Wilson made a big mistake.  And now it’s going to cost him politically. Health care reform is that much closer to a reality.

And it’s thanks to Joe Wilson’s inability to stop behaving like a jackass.  I knew that’d come in useful some day!

The “Smoking” Gun on Barack Obama! (Courtesy of Monica Crowley)

4 Mar

Go to fullsize imageSo, I’m busy cleaning my bathroom this weekend and decide to put on the radio to help pass the time while I scrub the toilet.  As is often the case with me,  the radio is tuned to one of those conservative talk radio stations that conservatives like to pretend don’t exist when they make claims about liberals controlling the media.  I guess I just like to get my blood boiling.

Go to fullsize imageAny, on the radio that particular morning is breathless conservative radio host Monica Crowley.  In fairness, I don’t know the woman at all, but from hearing her rushed and paranoid sounding delivery, I’m not too surprised that she worked for Nixon in the 90s.  Frankly, she always sounds just a slight bit crazy.   But that’s neither here nor there.

It’s soon apparent that I’ve caught Crowley midway through her show opening rant.  Again not surprisingly, she’s taking the tack that the media hasn’t really examined Barack Obama fully.  Perhaps there is some truth to that.   According to Crowley, it’s of course due to the liberal media bias.  My perspective is that it may have something more to do with a certain compassionate conservative politician. To me, it’s not a stretch to think that the current president has bungled things so badly that many Americans need to believe there’s something or someone who can finally steer us in the right direction again.

Crowley being the great journalist that she is tells her audience that if the media isn’t going to probe Obama’s background fully than she and her show are going to do it.  Somewhere the Obama campaign is huddled together in fear…

I brace myself. I realize I’m about to hear radio history.  Monica Crowley is about to cripple Barack Obama’s candidacy.  Crowley is about to do what all of Hillary Clinton’s millions and years of experience could not.  I stop scrubbing and get closer to the speaker.And before I’ve had time to blink or think, it’s hit me.  Crowley breaks the story.  Obama smokes.  I could go on with my sarcastic tone, but I think you get the drift.

I go back to scrubbing the toilet and think if “smoking” is the worst the conservatives can hit Barack Obama with, boy are they in trouble.  Something tells me somewhere in her heart, Monica Crowley and her ilk are hoping Hillary Clinton pulls off a big surprise tomorrow.

Mitt Romney Needs A Celebrity Tough Guy Endorsement. Stat!

1 Feb

Mike Huckabee started it off with Chuck Norris. Today, John McCain jumped on board with Arnold Schwarzenegger, the Governator of California.

If you’re a Republican presidential candidate in 2008, an endorsement from a celebrity tough guy is a must have.

You know Mitt Romney, currently running second to McCain and with no tough guy endorsement, has to have staff scouring ’80s action films and TV series.  Given that I spent a lot of the ’80s (OK, who’s kidding, a lot of my life) watching bad TV and film, who better than me to lend the beleaguered Romney campaign a little free advice?

Here’s one man’s short list of action stars that Romney could draft to support him along with some pros and cons for each:

Sly Stallone

Pros: Plays not one but two iconic figures, Rocky & Rambo, both of which start with the letter “R” as in Romney or “Reagan” who “R”epublicans worship.  Also, both of his characters are underdogs who win in all at the end, which would dovetail nicely with a Romney comeback.

Cons: Rambo couldn’t take the top box office spot this past weekend, coming in second to Meet The Spartans.  Could Stallone’s appeal be slipping?  Then, there’s the baggage of his recent admission of human growth hormone usage.  Why would Romney risk getting caught up in that mess?

Steven Seagal

Pros: Still has wide appeal with straight to DVD audience.  Speaking of wide, has put on some pounds and would be slimming next to Romney.

Cons: There’s the hair.  There’s his ambition to make music.  And simply doesn’t have the name recognition of a Stallone.

 Jackie Chan

Pros: Known world around.  Does his own stunts.

Cons: There’s the language issue.  And he’s not an American citizen, which could backfire on Romney given his stance on immigration.

Jean-Claude Van Damme

Pros: I see the bumper sticker already.  Dammit all, I like Romney!

Cons: Another non-U.S. citizen.  In fact, he’s from Belgium, which most Americans don’t believe exists and would find confusing. In addition, he’s been married like 30 times, which would be awkward for Romney’s family values platform.

If none of the above work, don’t panic.  Romney could always set his sights on A-Lister Bruce Willis or go real old school with pistol packing Chuck Heston.  That’s old testament conservative, baby!