Tag Archives: Bad Hair

Lady Gaga, Among Other Things, Has This 60s Music Icon Twisted!

26 Jun

Chubby Checker:

If you love awkward moments not involving you as much as I do, then do I have a great heads up for you!  

Here it is.  If you ever and I mean EVER get a chance to watch or listen to 60’s dance craze icon Chubby Checker do an interview, do it!  Stop whatever you’re doing and just pay attention to everyone Chubby says.  The man is verifiably delusional and bitter as lemons in winter time.

Last night, I had nothing to do and nothing was on and I stumbled across Chubby doing a TV interview on some random local cable channel. 

Here are the highlights:

Chubby is angry at Dick Clark.  People say Dick Clark discovered Chubby.  He sees it the other way around.  His point is that Bandstand became a huge hit once Chubby started performing his massive hit on it.  I think he has a point.  But, he also thinks Dick Clark should always have him at any event he produces – any event!  Bottom line is that Chubby expected Dick Clark to keep having him on Bandstand in the 70s and 80s and on despite musical tastes changing.  I value loyalty too, but just not realistic here…

Chubby is pissed at Muhammad Ali and is willing to go there even though the man is struggling with Parkinson’s.  Gutsy move, Chubby!  Chubby claims that in the early 60s a young Ali, still know as Cassius Clay then, came to see Chubby for advice.  Chubby says he encouraged Ali to make predictions about what round he’d knock people out in AND to brag that he was the greatest of all time to get more attention.  Ali did both and the rest is history.  Of course, Chubby got no credit as Ali, according to Chubby, never gave him any.  Somehow I’m not believing Ali needed that much of a push to be outspoken and outrageous.

Chubby’s hair.  It’s what he SHOULD be bitter about.  It’s either (A) he’s still styling his hair with the same products from back in the early 60s OR (B) it’s the worst wig known to mankind.  Either way, it’s fascinating!

Chubby has put the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame on notice.  If they don’t elect him soon, he’s not making it to the induction ceremony if he feels he’s too old.  Actually, I’m with him on this one.  He should be in.  The Twist was the biggest dance craze ever and only song to chart #1 twice in two different years, plus he had several other hits that went on to be dance sensations too, like The Pony.  Remember that one?

See full size imageSpeaking of dancing… When the host asked Chubby to tell him what he thought were the differences between his music and today’s.  He told him NONE.  Chubby said that when he see’s people dancing to Lady Gaga and the rest he sees them dancing to Chubby.  Basically, he feels that he invented modern dance.  Nice!  Now I know who to blame.  I thought it was Michael Jackson.

Chubby can’t get any respect from DJs.  He doesn’t understand why Top 40 stations won’t play him.  I do.  He’s almost 70 and kids are listening!

Other cool Chubby facts.  He’s been married to a former Miss World for over 40 years.  Somewhere in there, he fathered a daughter out of another relationship who now plays in the WNBA and HE managed to STAY married.   That’s a talent!

He had  a #1 hit on the Billboard Dance Chart in 2008.  Who knew?

And he’s launched a chocolate bar, The Checker Bar, in Europe.  Of course, he’s bitter that no one in the US will distribute it yet.  You knew there had to be a twist!

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Come On, Illinois Voters! The Hair Was All You Needed To Know!

11 Dec

This is a quick public service announcement to the voters of the great state of Illinois. (Those of you in other states might do well to learn from this too, so keep reading.)

What give, Illinois?  We all know Chicago politics is legendarily corrupt.  After all, isn’t that part of Chi-Town’s charm?

But, Illinois, this is going too far.  Your current governor is about to go to jail for trying to sell Barack Obama’s soon to be empty Senate seat.  Perhaps, he can visit his predecessor who is already behind bars serving time for his misdeeds.  I smell sitcom!

In any case, two governors in a row going from the State House to the Big House.  That’s impressive no matter which way you slice it.

But it didn’t have to be this way.

In the future, Illinois, please remember that if someone’s hair looks like this:

Or like this:

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Or this:

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DON’T VOTE FOR THEM!

The hair was a major tip off that something was NOT RIGHT with this guy.

Illinois, you have only yourself to blame.

D’Antoni Vs. Johnson… Who’s The Right Re-Tread Coach For Your NBA Team?

6 May

In most sports leagues, heck in most corporations, the head jobs are usually tough to crack.  Most sports teams out to hire a head coach go with someone who has done the job before.  The NBA is no exception.  It’s all about cutting down the risks when making a big hire. 

Whenever a vacancy is announced, it’s never long before the management looking to fill that opening is calling up guys who’ve done the job before.  You know, re-treads.  Never mind that often times the re-treads fail miserably on their second or third or fourth chances.  Sort of like most hollywood stars and marriage.

So, it’s always exciting when a new coaching re-tread becomes available to the NBA’s general managers.  For that reason, Phoenix Coach Mike D’Antoni is getting a lot of attention now that his boss GM Steve Kerr (remember his deadly 3 point shot?  He’s been a lot less accurate as a GM so far) is letting him talk to other teams.  Word is the Bulls and Knicks are interested.

My question is why?

First off, and I know it’s a surface thing, but there’s the bad mustache.  Memo to Mike D’Antoni.  1974’s come and gone.  Let go of the ‘stache.

Cheap shot?  Maybe, but do you think today’s young athletes are respecting someone with  ’70s porn facial hair? 

Whatever. 

Let’s move on.  The more important factor is what D’Antoni’s managed to do in Phoenix.  There’s no arguing with the regular season record. It’s pretty impressive.  Speaking of pretty, the style of play he advocates is fun to watch and play. Players and fans alike dig it.  (PS – I’m using 70s slang as a subtle tribute to the D’Antoni mustache)

Yup, you know the problem.  The nice regular season stats and the powerhouse offense has meant nothing come playoff time.  A team that has featured the now departed Sean Marion, Amare Stoudemire, Steve Nash (and his bad hair), Shaq and Grant Hill among others has never made the finals.  Not once.  And if memory serves, they’ve never even made it to a game seven of a conference finals.

As his core ages, the post season woes have gotten worse.  Now, the Suns are making first round exits.

The trouble with D’Antoni is his teams don’t play defense pure and simple.

For my money, if I was a GM looking for rookie re-treads, I’d go with Avery Johnson.  Johnson’s regular season record holds up nicely to D’Antoni’s.  Johnson has coached a team to a finals appearance, even if Dirk and Co. did choke it away. 

Most, impressively, Johnson changed the culture in Big D.  Suddenly, they were focused on D.  Taking the reins from Don Nelson and getting a team to buy into defense is one big accomplishment.  For that, re-tread Johnson deserves a second shot way before Mike D’Antoni.

Pretty basketball be damned.  And besides Avery doesn’t have as cheesy a mustache…

Is John Calipari a worse coach than Lawrence Frank??

7 Apr

John Calipari, he of the hair so slicked back that he makes Pat Riley feel self-aware, is about to coach for the NCCA Men’s Basketball Championship.  Calipari’s one loss Memphis squad is one win away from winning it all.  If you hadn’t been counting, this is the second team Calipari’s brought to a Final Four.  Not many coaches can make that claim.

Impressive, right?  It’s even more impressive when you consider the programs he’s revived.  Let’s just say there’s places more steeped in college basketball glory and tradition than UMass or Memphis.

The intriguing thing is that such an accomplished coach couldn’t get it done on the biggest stage he’s played on.  Calipari was a wash out in the NBA.  For better or worse, this renowed turnaround specialist bit off way more than he could chew when he tried to right the Net’s historically off course ship.  The Nets have been too much for many a good coach and player since they joined the NBA.  The organization has ruined a ton of promising careers.  Some say it’s a Babe Ruth like curse, which the franchise was put under when they traded basketball god Dr. J.  Whatever the case, Calipari couldn’t turn it around.

Eventually, Byron Scott with a lot of help from Rod Thorn and the recently departed Jason Kidd got the NOTS turned around enough to play the role of Eastern Conference Patsy in the NBA Finals two years running.  Scott was let go prematurely for his trouble.  This is not surprising when you really think about it. It’s actually very much in line with the franchise’s history. 

Lawrence Frank, a good guy, good coach and about 15 when he was hired, replaced Byron Scott.  The Nets have been just OK ever since and now seem destined to miss the playoffs for the next season or two.  Frank seems safe in his job nonetheless.

So, all of this got me thinking.  How is it that Lawrence Frank is making a living in the NBA and John Calipari isn’t?  I’ve heard the whole argument about how some guys are college coaches and others are meant to coach the pros.  I don’t really buy that.

Here’s what I think happens.  When coaches like Calipari or his buddy Rick Pitino come into the NBA with whiz kid relationships and in Pitino’s case too much power within an organization, they come in with too much arrogance.  Hot shot college guys figure they’ll just keep doing things like they always have and keep churning out the wins. That lack of understanding of how the NBA really works is a recipe for disaster.

The only advantage Lawrence Frank has over John Calipari is that Frank learned how the NBA works as an assistant before becoming the head guy.  If Calipari had left UMass for some NBA assistant gig, he’d be one of the best coaches in the league right now.  However, his hair would still look rediculous…

PS – oh and Byron Scott, he’s just coaching one of the best Western Conference teams in the NBA.  Go former Nets’ coaches! 

 

Has Rudy Giuliani Fired Someone Yet?

23 Jan

Message to you Rudy.  It’s an old song by the Specials, a UK band I listened to during my younger years.  And it’s also the topic of this posting.

Go to fullsize imageRudy.  Rudy.  What are you and your people thinking?  Do you actually have PAID advisers helping out on your now long-shot bid for the presidency?  You know, it didn’t have to be this way, Mr. Mayor.

But before we get to what your campaign has done wrong, let’s take a look at what you’ve done right.  You got rid of the comb over.  Big props for that.  Hopefully, hair challenged men the world over will now realize a close cropped head of hair beats the comb over every time.  And you mention 9/11 like you’re the subliminal message guy in the old SNL skits.  Predictable perhaps, but it’s been effective for you, sir.  Somehow people have connected the dots from you being a good responder to the aftermath of terrorist attacks with actually being effective at stopping them.  Not saying you couldn’t, Rudy, but being Churchill-like after 9/11 doesn’t prove you can actually stop anything.  Finally, you and your folks should take great pride in recognizing that this year’s race, with all the shifted primaries, would be unlike any before.

And here’s where it falls apart.  Yes, Team Rudy quickly grasped the primaries were set up differently this time out and you all deserve credit for factoring that change into your strategy.  The problem is the strategy you chose, ignore almost all the races til Florida, was at best naive and at worst criminally stupid if you are trying to get yourself elected president.

How could you, Mr. Giuliani and your advisers not realize that:

a) momentum means something

b) people love a winner

c) press coverage follows the winner of the early races like Iowa & New Hampshire

d) And money stalks the winners too

Sure, at one point, Rudy, you could claim to hold a sizable lead in national polling.  But now that’s all a distant memory along with your lead in the Florida race that you’ve pinned all your hopes on.

Rudy, you aren’t winning Florida and in fact, you will soon be joining Thompson on the sidelines commiserating about what could have been.  But at least your hair will look presidential.  And, take heart, that’s more than a lot of guys can say.

Bonus Picture of Rudy with Comb Over:
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And now Rudy after:

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Please share this with all balding men that are tempted to comb over.  Thank You.

Extra special bonus pic of The Specials:
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