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Obama Tells Russian President To Go To Hell (For Burgers)!

27 Jun

Seems like cruel and unusual punishment that the translators don’t get burgers or even fries!

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The #1 Thing Not To Do If You’re Mia Farrow!

24 Apr

Mia Farrow's Last Meal? Chocolate Easter Eggs | Mia FarrowMia Farrow announced she is going on a hunger strike to draw attention to the horrible situation in Darfur.  Noble intention to be sure, but if I’m Mia Farrow I’m not signing up for a hunger strike at this point in my career.  Back when she was the young wife of one Frank Sinatra or shacked up with Woody Allen and starring in his movies this might have been a different story.

The very real question now is whether anyone will care.  I wrote about it so I guess so far so good.

Click on the link below this paragraph for more on her plans, which include putting on a lot of weight before the strike and being medically tested throughout it.  Kind of feels like cheating to me, but then again what good am I trying to do for society??

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20274374,00.html?cnn=yes

Cucumbers Are Evil And Must Be Stopped!

10 Jul

I was at a fancy work party tonight cause I do fancy work.  Anyway, there I am talking with some colleagues, drink in hand minding my own damn business.  I was totally oblivious to the assault my taste buds were about to under go!

The waiter, a trust worthy enough looking guy, came by with a tray of appetizers.  Oh, he’d been by before.  He knew a receptive group when he found one.  Anyway, over the course of the evening, we’d all tried many of the small, fancy and completely unidentifiable hors’ dourves.  They were all delicious.

So, you can see my guard was down.  The waiter comes over, mutters a few quick words about what the latest offering is and offers them to us.  My colleagues indulge.  It’s dark, loud, and I can’t really see what they are and completely didn’t hear the waiter’s description.  But, I took a shot.

Soon enough, I realized it was sushi something.  I’m not the hugest sushi guy, but I’m a fish lover so I don’t mind some sushi now and again.  Even more so, if I’ve had a drink or two…

Then, it happened.  I bit into something that was, well… There’s really no other word for it other than nasty and I knew instantly it was something I’ve spent most of my adult life avoiding.  Cucumber!

To quickly backtrack, what you should know about me is that as I’ve gotten older and older and older still I’ve grown to like a larger variety of foods.  Take tomatoes.  As a kid, for some reason unknown to me, I bit into a whole tomato.  To my younger self it was the most disgusting thing I’d ever tasted.  It was cold.  It was slimy and it tasted horrible. 

I determined never to eat tomatoes.  I mean never.  Even if starving.  I kept my word for a good couple of decades, but then I met my wife and she turned me on to salads.  With her love and encouragement, I eventually was brave enough to allow the occasional cherry tomato or tomato chunk/slice in my salad.  So, I’ve made my peace with the tomato.  I’ve grown.  My taste buds have matured.

Back to the cucumber… What is the rest of the world thinking?  Why oh why does ANYONE eat cucumbers?  I realize we all have different tastes.  But, my feeling after tonight is if someone likes cucumbers it’s either because their taste buds are broken or they were force fed the awful things by complete whacked out parents since birth.

I have brushed my teeth three times since I got home this evening and I can STILL taste the hideous flavor of the evil cucumber.   I’m thinking it’s temporary.  But, part of me fears I may never get this bad taste out of my mouth.

There is almost nothing positive I can say about cucumbers.  Apparently, they even end up making pickles, which is a whole other kind of awful. That just makes the whole thing even worse.

Cucumbers didn’t kill Kennedy.  There.  That’s one good thing I can say about cucumbers.  But that’s it.

And, you, faithful readers, have my word that I will never again eat another cucumber!  I encourage you to do the same.

And now if you don’t mind I’m off to have some asparagus ice cream.  I’ve got to get this taste out of my mouth somehow!