Sports has certainly seen its share of cheapskates.  From franchises that refuse to spend enough to put a legitimate contender together to mega-million dollars stars too cheap to pay off their gambling debts.  Gilbert Arenas, anyone?

Still if news service reports via The Record (a NJ based newspaper available online at http://www.northjersey.com/) are correct, than the NHL’s Edmonton Oilers may be as cheap as they come.

First they trade Wayne Gretzky and now this…

It seems the team whooped it up on New Year’s Eve at a Calgary restaurant then refused to cover the almost $17,000 tab much of which was for alcohol.  According to Maurizio Terrigno, who manages Osteria de Medici, the team demanded a break on the bill and skipped out paying only around $12,000. 

Guessing they didn’t tip either…

Terrigno claims that when the bill arrived that the team started threatening, denigrating the staff and demanded a 50% discount because they were the Edmonton Oilers.  (Sidebar – 50% off and they haven’t won in years.  Imagine the discount the Gretzky teams could have claimed).

Part of the team’s logic was that some of the alcohol was imported brandy that one player only took a swig out of  and so they didn’t want to have to pay for the whole bottle.  Terrigno claims (and let’s hope he’s right) that he’d never sell anyone else brandy from a bottle that someone had already drank directly out of.

Stay classy, Oilers!

I love football.  Just not the kind they play in college.  I like the real football where teammates pull guns on each other (oh wait that’s the NBA), where the quarterbacks CAN actually pass the ball, and where we get a definitive champion each and every year.

Take this year.  Could college football’s bowl system possibly be worse??

All we heard after the bowl picks were announced were complaints over how some teams had gotten big time shafted.  Cincinnati, in particular, was one of those singled out as a great example of a team that didn’t get a chance to win all it on the field.

Nevertheless, they did get a chance to make a huge statement.  After an undefeated season, Cincy got paired up with Florida, the school that’s ruled college football in recent years (apologies to Pete Carroll) in the Sugar Bowl.

Oh, and a quick detour here.  Pete Carroll is another reason college football sucks.  He couldn’t hack it as a pro coach.  So, what happens?  He becomes absolutely dominant on the college (aka minor league) level.  You know sooner or later, he’ll decide to leave USC in order to try to prove himself in the real football league again. 

Remember these words.  It will be a disaster.

Back to Cincy.  So, they get this chance to show that they can really pay (Freudian slip – meant to type PLAY) with the biggest of the big boys.  Only their coach deserts them for the greener pastures of Notre Dame.  The players are largely outraged.

Then, they get a break.  Urban Meyer loses his mind.  He resigns the Florida gig one day only to come back the next.  Yeah, but he also announces he will take a leave of absence after the bowl to fix himself, or pay attention to his family or something.  College football sucks, like I said.

Anyway, so there’s Cincinnati screwed over by the BCS, dumped for a hotter school by their coach who many players feel lied to them in the process of leaving, and set to play Florida just days after Meyer rocked the Gators’ world.

This being college football, you know what happened.

Halftime score? 30-3 in favor of Florida.  As I type this #5 ranked Florida is up on #4 Cincinnati 51-23 with about 3 minutes  to go.  Can you say “whupping?”

Three minutes.  That’s what the Bearcats have left to shock the world and prove they were worthy of a #4 ranking or higher, but it will never happen.

And that’s one of the many reasons that college football sucks.

PS – what exactly is a bearcat anyway??

Who Who says 2010 won’t be a great year!  I just came  across what probably will be the greatest sports story of the year and possibly the decade.

Washington Wizards teammates Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton may have pulled guns on each other in the Wizards’ locker room.  According to the report I read on MSNBC.com, the incident either happened on December 21 or December 24.   Nice way to celebrate the holidays, guys!

Anyway, according to the reports I read, Crittenton was upset over some gambling debts  he felt Arenas owed him.  When Crittenton confronted Arenas, Gilbert was reported to pull his gun on him.

The response?  Crittenton pulled his gun on Arenas.  For whatever else you may think about Arenas, clearly this guy is no pro with a gun.  Isn’t the whole point of pulling  a gun on someone to make sure they don’t pull one on you?

I’ve watched a lot of movies and even read some books, so I’m pretty sure that if I pulled a gun on someone I’d mention something to them about “freezing”.  Like, you know, staying where I can see you so that you CAN NOT pull a gun on me.

Apparently, Arenas missed that lesson.  Maybe he was busy practicing his jump shot or gambling.

Whatever.  The NBA will be dealing with a whole host of questions here.  Like, how did either of these idiots get a gun into an NBA locker room?

To me the bigger question is why would Arenas, who makes gazillions not just pay Crittenton the money he owed him? 

All that will be answered in time, but for now recently deceased owner Abe Pollin must be in the afterlife somewhere disappointed that two of his Wizards are living up to the old team nickname that he changed due to worries about gun violence in DC.

Guess you can take The Bullets out of DC, but you can’t take The Bullets out of The Wizards…

PS – reportedly, Arenas has even been tweeting about in on Twitter.  Nothing beter than self-incrimination to start off the new year!

It’s a Wonderful Life PLUS Fishbone = Lost Christmas Classic

Merry Christmas to all!  And may you all have a good life!!

After spending much of the holiday season working doggedly to deny health coverage to millions, conservatives fresh off that likely loss have moved onto a shocking new target.

Santa!

That’s right.  The jolly old elf who spends each Christmas Eve night bringing the world’s children some joy is the latest target of the political right.

“First, it’s healthcare and now it’s the holidays being taken over by liberal big government.” warns conservative leader A. Stankwell Jenkins III.  Jenkins goes on to explain “it’s not that we have anything against Christmas, after all it’s the birthday of one of my favorite people, the baby Jesus.  But, what I don’t like and others like me agree with is Santa’s incursion into our homes with the full support and aid of the US Government under direction of our foreign-born president.”

When probed for proof of a connection between Santa and the US Government, conservative leaders point to mainly two pieces of purported evidence.  “What I’d like to know is how this round fellow manages to break into homes across the country at basically the same time every year and yet is never caught.  You’ve got to have police involved in this cover up,” asserts Bud Rick Stallings Jr, Jenkins’ chief of staff at his public advocacy organization, Conservatives Against States Hegemony or CASH for short.

“Second, there’s the overt support of the US Military who tracks and aids Santa during his yearly deliveries” explains Stallings, who supplied this link as further proof:

http://www.noradsanta.org/en/index.html

(Note from Full Contact  – In fairness, it can’t be denied that from the link above it’s pretty clear the US Military is very aware of all of Santa’s movements)

Stallings goes on to further explain the concerns of CASH.  “What we don’t like is some stranger coming into our homes uninvited and uncontested.  Sure, he’s supposedly leaving gifts, but who’s to say what kind of information he’s collecting and all with the full support of the liberal US government.  I’m telling you it’s nothing short of a brilliant conspiracy to get government into our homes.  It’s not enough they’re in our healthcare, our wallets, now they want to be in homes and looking around.  That’s just plain scary to me.”

Conservatives like Stallings and Jenkins, are targeting Santa for more than just being in league with the US Government, however.  For most, there’s a basic philosophical problem with Santa.

Jenny Ray Evans-Moskowitz explains.  “For conservatives, America is not about hand outs or free rides.”  Ms. Evans-Moskowitz, is an aspiring conservative talk show host, who records show inherited much of her 5.6 million dollar net worth from the estate of her late father, Ray Gene St. Evans , who made a fortune in the sixties and seventies in the sweat shop and slum lord industries.

“What we object to” Evans-Moskowitz goes on “is children or for that matter anyone getting something for nothing.  And worse yet, it’s not something for nothing.  I’m paying for it.  You are paying for it.”

When asked how, Evans-Moskowitz replies “the military aids santa, the police aid santa.  Who do you think they get their money from? Why me and you of course.  And giving something to poor people is simply un-American and wrong”

Stallings chims in “Look, I have no problem with kids getting gifts.  But, it ought to be gifts their parents had the decency to buy for them.  These rugrats from do nothing parents too lazy to pursue the American dream shouldn’t be given gifts basically paid for by the US taxpayer.”

Some have questioned how conservatives, many of whom profess to have deep and typically Christian beliefs, could possibly come out against Santa.

The Reverend Pete Lane Walker Komisky is the chaplain for CASH.  He was eager to try to make us understand how a Jesus loving man of the cloth or for that matter any conservative could come out against Santa.  So much so, that the Reverend took time to video link to us as his private pilot flew his personal jet to a corporate retreat/Christmas Party in Barbados.  Records show that tax loopholes allowed the company in question to deduct the cost of the Christmas party from their annual tax obligation. 

Komisky would not address the tax situation related to the retreat he was set to attend.

On other matters, Komisky had this to say.  “Look, I know everyone thinks of Jesus as some kind of hippy, liberal guy.  But, I just don’t think the evidence supports that.  It’s a view that like everything else has been skewed by the liberal American media.” 

At this point, the Reverend took a break to pop open a bottle of Dom Perignon, took a sip and went on.  “The Jesus that I think is more accurate is Jesus in the temple kicking butt.  It’s frequently misinterpreted as Jesus being upset that people were conducting business in a place of worship.  It wasn’t that at all.  It seems quite clear to me that these men were competitors to Jesus’ business interests.  He did what any good business leader would do and worked quickly to up his market share. 

After all, there’s a reason GOD said go forth and be fruitful.  We’re supposed to do good works and profit from them.  THAT’S good for society.  If I get rich, the trickle down to the rest of society is tremendous.  Tell me, who really benefits if some poor kids get gifts for nothing?  They learn nothing and society certainly doesn’t benefit.  The rich get richer because they’re doing GOD’s will.  It’s that simple”

Jenkins sums up conservative opposition to and fear of Santa in the last thing he says to us “after all, there must be a reason Santa Claus wears red…”

Maybe they’re on to something….  Or maybe they’re misguided.  You be the judge.

Merry Christmas to all, conservatives and liberals and everyone in between!

Colin Cowherd of ESPN is a genius.  Why do a say this?

Because I am a genius.  At certain things anyway.  And geniuses think alike.

I posted this morning that I couldn’t believe how exited Yankee fans and New York sports talk show hosts (who should know better) were over the recent Yankee trade that brought the Yankees the mediocrity that is Javier Vazquez.

It’s not that it wasn’t a good trade.  It’s just that everyone seemed to be reacting like it was the biggest deal ever and ignoring the hard truth that pitching in the AL is way tougher than pitching in the NL like Vazquez did last year when he had his career year.  (Sorry for the super long sentence)

I noted in my morning post that none of the so-called experts had bothered to temper their callers excitement by suggesting that Vazquez might not be an ace in the AL East.

This morning, I tuned into Colin Cowherd on 1050 AM and he restored some of my faith in sports talk radio.  There was Colin making all the same points as me.

Good trade.  Not cause for celebration.  He won 14 games last year in a career year feasting on the Pirates and Nationals.  Now he’ll be facing the Sox and Rays.

Good luck, Javier.

Two men of genius think you’re gonna need it…

I’m many things and have many talents.  Auto mechanics is NOT one of them.  So, I buy quality cars and then pay (presumably) quality people to repair them on those rare occasions when I have car trouble.

Recently, my CHECK ENGINE light came on.  A shot of dread hit my whole body full force.  Clearly my car was going to die.  Soon.

Before throwing money at the problem, I decided to get brave.  I checked the car manual.  This is the manual for a car not made in the States and it’s written in a style that makes me feel the author(s) were not even of this planet.  Despite misgivings, I dove in.

I found a section on the various warning lights and other lights that are supposed to pop up when my car has to tell me something.  And there it was CHECK ENGINE.  I expected a dire warning like “when this light comes on, get out of the car.  Get out of the car now.  We’re not kidding.  Something is about to explode.”

What I got was no explanation and just a tersely worded direction to check page 283.  Why 283 when all the other warning lights had brief explanations in the actual warning light section?  That I’ll never know but I pondered it unsuccessfully as I thumbed my way back to page 283.

There it was.  The alien authored car manual explained that either there was something wrong with my exhaust system (ughh!) or my gas cap hadn’t been screwed on correctly.  The solution to the second problem was to simply unscrew the gas gap and screw it back on. 

Screwing.  That I could handle.  Especially, screwing up when it comes to auto repair.

Anyway, I did as instructed and then waited.  The manual warned that if I tried the screwing back on option, the light would NOT instantly disappear, but if the problem was solved the light would disappear after three rides.  Not one, not two, not 811, but three rides.

The next few days were tense to say the least.  I tried to wait patiently but couldn’t help constantly glancing down at the little yellow warning light.  I almost crashed a few times, but it was worth it.  I had to see, NO, I had to will the light to go away.  But, the light seemed to like me and I have to admit I was growing a bit attached to it to despite myself.

Coincidentally, we had to bring my wife’s car in for service this week.  Nothing big, just routine service.  You know the type someone like me can’t usually handle and lets the pros deal with.

On the way to pick up my wife’s car, I silently admitted that I had lost the battle with my friend the little yellow CHECK ENGINE light.  Clearly, the probably wasn’t a loose gas cap.  It HAD to be a problem with my exhaust.

And then I glanced down.  We were about to pull into the dealer lot to pick up my wife’s car.  I planned to drop off my car to our mechanic the next day and then I saw… 

Well… I saw NOTHING! 

No CHECK ENGINE light.  Clearly, I had solved the problem.  My gas cap must have been loose. 

Victory was mine and so too was the savings from not having to pay a pro to tighten my gas cap or worse yet, replace my exhaust for the heck and profit of it.

It feels great to be able to say I fixed my car even if all I did was tighten the gas cap. 

Thank you Mr. Warning Light.  Where ever you are now, may you shine on. 

And thanks too to the much maligned aliens who wrote my car’s manual.  Nice work and please say hello to your cousins on Romulac Five for me!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

You know you want the full contact.  And we want to give it to you more often.

So, now we’re on twitter.  God help us!

Please follow along.

You’ll find us listed as Tidewaterjacksn.  

No O!!   Kinda like the Buffalo Bills…

The Buffalo Bills are 3-6 and their ancient and so rightfully impatient owner can’t take it anymore.  Today, Dick Jauron got the axe in Buffalo.  Outside of criticizing an in season move, I don’t see how you can debate this one.  Three straight years of mediocrity and a disappointing season in what was supposed to be the break through year will get you fired.

The Bills ponied up the dough and the guts to sign Terrell Owens to give Jauron some ammo on offense.  For a lot of reasons, it hasn’t worked. 

At all.

However, Jauron didn’t help himself by firing his offensive coordinator just before the season started.  Alex Van Pelt, who was promoted into the spot hasn’t gotten things going and so far has made no one in Buffalo forget Turk Schonert.

So, Jauron had to go.  That much was clear.  Who’ll replace him?

Damned if I know.  Jon Gruden just re-upped with ESPN for another two years, so it looks like he’s out, but you never really know.  In the meantime, former Denver Coach For Life Mike Shanahan is available, as is Paul Holmgren and maybe Bill Cowher.

Still, those are all marquee names.  The kind of names that don’t usually end up in Buffalo.  So, figure the Bills to go with either a re-tread or on the rise coordinator.

There is a wildcard out there, though.

And his name is Jerry Glanville.  Turns out the same day as Jauron was axed, Glanville quit what was a disastrous reign Portland State.

Portland State what?  I know.  I had the same reaction.  I thought Jerry Glanville was dead.  And I’m not kidding.

It will never happen.  His recent body of work doesn’t suggest it SHOULD happen.  But, I think the NFL needs Jerry Glanville.  The man was flat out entertaining.  He could coach a little bit too.

If you agree, why not email the Bills.  It couldn’t hurt.

If they’re gonna be bad, they might as well be fun.

It’s part of our human make up to be curious about the grass on the other side of the fence.  Rock stars are no exception.

Guitar gods frequently yearn to be lead singers.  And lead singers often can’t resist the temptation to strap on an axe.  The catch is it seldom works. 

Sure, there are double threats who can sing and play really well, but this post isn’t focused on them. 

Instead, here’s some examples of lead singers who just don’t look right with a guitar.  Not saying they can’t play.  Just saying that they shouldn’t try.  It simply doesn’t work.

Witness Madge looking pained as she struggles to strum.

Love Daltrey, but isn’t being Tommy enough for him?

Anyone believing Mick’s amp is plugged in?  Shhhhhh.  Don’t tell him anything!

I’m on the fence on The King.  It’s clear he actually played a little when he started out in the Sun Records days.  By the Vegas years though, the guitar had transitioned to mainly prop status.  I wouldn’t bet against this one being made out of paper mache.

Happy November!