So “The Answer” is retiring and I have yet to figure out what the question was. 

Maybe it was “what self-serving player is going out exactly as he deserves, unwanted?”  Or “What supremely talented player never won anything in the NBA?”

Then there’s “what knucklehead couldn’t be bothered to see that actually practicing helps the whole team included himself?”.   Maybe it’s “who’s blowing a chance to redefine his career by refusing to accept that he might win a title by accepting a lesser role now that he’s 107 years old?”

But ultimately, if I had to put big money on it, I think the question is “who is too much of a pain in the ass to be worth it anymore?”

Ahhh. Yes.  That easily could be Allen Iverson.

Iverson is not exactly Stephon Marbury, but he’s learning a similar tough lesson.  In life or at least in NBA life, people will put up with you if you’re a difficult personality so long as you’ve got the talent that makes it worth dealing with your baggage.

When the lowly Grizzlies and desperate Knicks decide that Allen Iverson is no longer worth it, that’s the answer  that only A.I. can answer for.

I’m many things and have many talents.  Auto mechanics is NOT one of them.  So, I buy quality cars and then pay (presumably) quality people to repair them on those rare occasions when I have car trouble.

Recently, my CHECK ENGINE light came on.  A shot of dread hit my whole body full force.  Clearly my car was going to die.  Soon.

Before throwing money at the problem, I decided to get brave.  I checked the car manual.  This is the manual for a car not made in the States and it’s written in a style that makes me feel the author(s) were not even of this planet.  Despite misgivings, I dove in.

I found a section on the various warning lights and other lights that are supposed to pop up when my car has to tell me something.  And there it was CHECK ENGINE.  I expected a dire warning like “when this light comes on, get out of the car.  Get out of the car now.  We’re not kidding.  Something is about to explode.”

What I got was no explanation and just a tersely worded direction to check page 283.  Why 283 when all the other warning lights had brief explanations in the actual warning light section?  That I’ll never know but I pondered it unsuccessfully as I thumbed my way back to page 283.

There it was.  The alien authored car manual explained that either there was something wrong with my exhaust system (ughh!) or my gas cap hadn’t been screwed on correctly.  The solution to the second problem was to simply unscrew the gas gap and screw it back on. 

Screwing.  That I could handle.  Especially, screwing up when it comes to auto repair.

Anyway, I did as instructed and then waited.  The manual warned that if I tried the screwing back on option, the light would NOT instantly disappear, but if the problem was solved the light would disappear after three rides.  Not one, not two, not 811, but three rides.

The next few days were tense to say the least.  I tried to wait patiently but couldn’t help constantly glancing down at the little yellow warning light.  I almost crashed a few times, but it was worth it.  I had to see, NO, I had to will the light to go away.  But, the light seemed to like me and I have to admit I was growing a bit attached to it to despite myself.

Coincidentally, we had to bring my wife’s car in for service this week.  Nothing big, just routine service.  You know the type someone like me can’t usually handle and lets the pros deal with.

On the way to pick up my wife’s car, I silently admitted that I had lost the battle with my friend the little yellow CHECK ENGINE light.  Clearly, the probably wasn’t a loose gas cap.  It HAD to be a problem with my exhaust.

And then I glanced down.  We were about to pull into the dealer lot to pick up my wife’s car.  I planned to drop off my car to our mechanic the next day and then I saw… 

Well… I saw NOTHING! 

No CHECK ENGINE light.  Clearly, I had solved the problem.  My gas cap must have been loose. 

Victory was mine and so too was the savings from not having to pay a pro to tighten my gas cap or worse yet, replace my exhaust for the heck and profit of it.

It feels great to be able to say I fixed my car even if all I did was tighten the gas cap. 

Thank you Mr. Warning Light.  Where ever you are now, may you shine on. 

And thanks too to the much maligned aliens who wrote my car’s manual.  Nice work and please say hello to your cousins on Romulac Five for me!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

You know you want the full contact.  And we want to give it to you more often.

So, now we’re on twitter.  God help us!

Please follow along.

You’ll find us listed as Tidewaterjacksn.  

No O!!   Kinda like the Buffalo Bills…

The Buffalo Bills are 3-6 and their ancient and so rightfully impatient owner can’t take it anymore.  Today, Dick Jauron got the axe in Buffalo.  Outside of criticizing an in season move, I don’t see how you can debate this one.  Three straight years of mediocrity and a disappointing season in what was supposed to be the break through year will get you fired.

The Bills ponied up the dough and the guts to sign Terrell Owens to give Jauron some ammo on offense.  For a lot of reasons, it hasn’t worked. 

At all.

However, Jauron didn’t help himself by firing his offensive coordinator just before the season started.  Alex Van Pelt, who was promoted into the spot hasn’t gotten things going and so far has made no one in Buffalo forget Turk Schonert.

So, Jauron had to go.  That much was clear.  Who’ll replace him?

Damned if I know.  Jon Gruden just re-upped with ESPN for another two years, so it looks like he’s out, but you never really know.  In the meantime, former Denver Coach For Life Mike Shanahan is available, as is Paul Holmgren and maybe Bill Cowher.

Still, those are all marquee names.  The kind of names that don’t usually end up in Buffalo.  So, figure the Bills to go with either a re-tread or on the rise coordinator.

There is a wildcard out there, though.

And his name is Jerry Glanville.  Turns out the same day as Jauron was axed, Glanville quit what was a disastrous reign Portland State.

Portland State what?  I know.  I had the same reaction.  I thought Jerry Glanville was dead.  And I’m not kidding.

It will never happen.  His recent body of work doesn’t suggest it SHOULD happen.  But, I think the NFL needs Jerry Glanville.  The man was flat out entertaining.  He could coach a little bit too.

If you agree, why not email the Bills.  It couldn’t hurt.

If they’re gonna be bad, they might as well be fun.

OK, so clearly I’m a bit cranky today. 

Stupid seems to be on my mind, having just pointed out Ohio Republican John Boehner’s ignorance, I feel compelled to highlight the shortcomings of his opponents in Congress.

Maybe the reason I’m cranky is that I spent some time earlier today reading reaction to this week’s election results.  Some pundits and a number of (stupid) Democrats have made the case that Democrats should run for the hills.

The theory goes that two Republican wins in Governor’s races in Virginia and New Jersey show that the public is unsure about President Obama’s agenda.  Of course, it shows nothing of the kind.

First off, why the focus on these two races.? Didn’t any of them read about the race for the Rep seat for New York’s 23rd District?  In can you didn’t, in that one, a super conservative forced out the Republican’s nominee only to be trounced by off all things the Democrat in the race.  And this was in a very conservative district!  So essentially in a lay up situation, the GOP clanged it off the rim.  So, why no stories about the end of conservatives?

Getting back to the governor’s races, it’s fair to ask if Obama can take any hint from the results.  There’s a saying that all politics are local and some pundits and Democrats are saying that people were voting on local issues  in VA and NJ and not on the President’s agenda. 

I know people in NJ.  Many.  And I can tell you that Corzine could have been a Republican or Independent and still lost.  NJ simply didn’t like John Corzine.  Whether bad timing or simply bad performance, Garden Staters simply didn’t see many accomplishments.  People in NJ voted against a sitting governor who could not lower the nation’s HIGHEST property taxes and who’s party has a fantastic track record of corruption.  Many of the people I know in NJ voted against Corzine and still support the President. 

As for Virginia, from everything I’ve read the Democrat there simply ran an awful race while his Republican opponent ran a smart race focused on the issues people care most about.  But, bottom line is that despite Democrat’s significant gains there, is it really a surprise when Virginia goes to the GOP??

So back to stupid Democrats…  I read earlier today that this week’s election losses suggested a change in tactics.  They felt they should perhaps not be so on board the Obama bandwagon. 

Nothing could be stupider.

Hear me now, Democrats.  The people voted you in for change.  And that’s what you need to deliver.  The answer is not backing down, but standing up for what you believe in and delivering on the promises you made to your constituents.

I belive John Warner made a very fair point that the climate change bill (as well-intentioned as it may be) might not be the very best use of Congresses’ time when people are struggling to keep their houses, jobs and lives.

So, if Democrats must change tactics, then follow that line of thinking.  Make changes, but make them about what matters most to Americans right now, pocketbook issues.  Work to create jobs and opportunities.

I believe healthcare reform is a big part of that.  It’s time  for Democrats to be bold, get it passed on move on to tackling other big issues that will affect the quality of all our lives.

Better to have an imperfect victory or two to bring to voters in 2010’s midterm elections than the same old same old.

Question:  Are healthcare protesters just stupid?

Answer:  Maybe. 

 But,one of their leaders is clearly ignorant of history.

Seriously, on the day that the President announces that both AARP which looks after the interests of our seniors and the AMA, which looks out for doctors, are both supporting the healthcare reform bill currently set for a vote in the House of Reps, they decide to protest.  But not only protest, which is their right, but to protest stupidly.  That, is their right too, but it’s also an incredible waste of our time.

House Republican leader John Boehner was quoted as saying “this bill is the greatest threat to freedom that I have seen”.

Hmmmmm….  So giving greater access to healthcare to millions of people is a threat to freedom?  Not letting insurance companies drop you just cause you got sick and inconvenience their bottom line is a threat to freedom? 

That’s news to me.

Let’s say that Boehner is part right and that the bill is a threat to freedom.  How can he say with a straight face that it’s the greatest threat ever to our freedom? 

Has the man heard of World War II?  What about the Cold War?  Even 9-11 has to rank above this in terms of a potential of changing the freedom we enjoy.  Not to mention disco music….

Clearly, Boehner and his ilk are off base.  The healthcare reforms under consideration right now must be passed.  More people will be covered.  The neutral Congressional Budget Office confirms the plan will reduce deficits and in case you’re scared of a public option, according to the CBO few people will take advantage of that offering.  So that threat of a government takeover.  Not happening.  At least not for a long while.

The funny thing about this all is that once the reform bill is passed, it will be just like Social Security or Medicare.  The very people who are protesting against it will refuse to ever consider having it taken away.

Mark my words.

It’s part of our human make up to be curious about the grass on the other side of the fence.  Rock stars are no exception.

Guitar gods frequently yearn to be lead singers.  And lead singers often can’t resist the temptation to strap on an axe.  The catch is it seldom works. 

Sure, there are double threats who can sing and play really well, but this post isn’t focused on them. 

Instead, here’s some examples of lead singers who just don’t look right with a guitar.  Not saying they can’t play.  Just saying that they shouldn’t try.  It simply doesn’t work.

Witness Madge looking pained as she struggles to strum.

Love Daltrey, but isn’t being Tommy enough for him?

Anyone believing Mick’s amp is plugged in?  Shhhhhh.  Don’t tell him anything!

I’m on the fence on The King.  It’s clear he actually played a little when he started out in the Sun Records days.  By the Vegas years though, the guitar had transitioned to mainly prop status.  I wouldn’t bet against this one being made out of paper mache.

Happy November!

Finally!  A good use for auto-tune!

I just heard on ESPN Radio’s Mike & Mike In The Morning that while the Dodgers were blowing game four against Philly, Manny Ramirez was busy contributing to the effort by taking a warm shower.  Manny had been removed early in the game and as is his custom when he’s pulled from games early, he headed straight for a nice wash.  Ramirez, the Dodgers’ most important player, missed all the lowlights as the Phillies came back to beat LA. 

Now, that’s a team player for you.

Here’s a guy getting paid on a game by game basis more in nine innings than many of us will make in a year and he can’t even be bothered to stick around to the bitter end.  And this is in the playoffs. 

I can see how during baseball’s endless regular season death march one missed end of game adds up to not too much, but with the season on the line you’d like to believe Manny would care a bit more…

Only Manny could make Rickey Henderson playing cards as the Mets bit the dust years ago in the playoffs look good.

Now, that’s a talent!

Click here to see….

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4dd3ce1cb8/nicole-eggert-is-back-in-baywatch

Two thoughts after you watch…

1 – the ability to make fun of one’s self is very admirable

2 – she’s not fat.  She’s Hollywood fat.  Big difference!

Let me know what you think.